So lately, I have been thinking a lot about marriages. Seems like everyone is getting married and shortly after divorced. It seems to be a popular trend among today's generation, and a scary trend that seems to be growing. Why has it become so easy for people to divorce? Have we become immoral and disconnected? Have our priorities changed as a society? Why did our grandparents seem so much happier in their marriages? I think I have a clue, but you are more than welcome to disagree. This, after all, is just an opinion based off of observation and personal experiences.
One of the reasons I believe marriages are falling apart is that it has become too easy. What do I mean by that? I mean that it has become most couples back up plan, and a lot of us enter into marriage going well if it does not work out, I can always get divorced. While this is true, this already sets a couple up for failure because when you have an argument and are angry, you will say things you do not mean. Your mind jumps for what is easy. This leads me to my next assumption.
As an adult, I like to remember the good times with my grandparents. When I look back, they always seemed happy and cuddly. They always kissed each other good-bye and good night. I remember thinking as a child that I wanted that type of relationship. I admired them, and I wanted what they had. I put almost a fairytale spin on what my grandparents' relationship was. This too set my personal relationship up for disappointment. I expected everything to be kisses and cuddles. I expected to be happy all the time, and I was let down when the arguing began. I thought this is not what marriage is. You are supposed to always be happy. I was disillusioned for a very long time until one night I thought long and hard. I thought why am I so unhappy. It is because I was trying to force marriage to be something it was not.
My grandparents fought. I did not want to remember them fighting, so for the longest time, I pushed it all to the back of my mind. In order for me to cope with the reality of marriage, I had to bring the bad memories to the forefront. I remember now one fight my grandparents had. It was a bad fight. My mom guided us upstairs as they screamed and even threw things. Is this right? Throwing things? No, but you know what, sometimes we all need to scream. It happens. We need to feel heard, and it makes us feel like we are. It helps to release hurt, and so they did. When the screams stopped, I remember creeping back downstairs, and my grandparents sat watching TV. Later that night, they kissed each other good night like they always did. Even good relationships have their problems, and I think our young generation needs to remember that.
We need to stop wanting what they put in the movies and on the television. We honestly just need to grow up. It took me a long time to accept this. I wanted to be angry and blame my husband for everything bad in our relationship, and for awhile, I did. But you know what, I got tired of being angry. I wanted to be happy and have a good relationship. You cannot do this though when all you want to do is be mad. This brings me to my final point. Why would you want to stay constantly mad at your best friend? We do marry our best friends right? You're suppose to.
When a couple enters into a union, they are marrying the person they trust more than anyone and love more than anyone else on this earth. Dictionary.com says that a best friend is “the one friend that is closest to you.” Wouldn't you want that to be the person you marry? I think so many couples rush into marriage without really getting to know a person. My husband and I did.
We thought because we were close friends that we were each other's best friend. Wrong. We were naïve. We had a lot to still learn about each other. Because we did not take the time to do so, we fought. We became scared when we realized that we did not know each other like we thought we did. Thank God, we had patience. It was hard, and at times, it was hurtful. We had created an image of the other one that was not necessarily true. Our marriage took a hard hit with this one. We did almost divorce, but thanks to the wisdom and guidance of loved ones around us, we did what we were supposed to do before we got married.
We went on dates and talked about our goals in life. It turned out that we may not have been the perfect picture that each other wanted, but we are exactly what the other needs to make our dreams come true. We learned to respect each other and love each other for what we are and what we are not. We still have our little problems, but we talk it out and sometimes even shout. It is worth it though. We both want what the other wants, and we want our daughter and our daughter's children to look at our marriage as we did our grandparents. We want to create memories and let them know that you will have your problems in marriage but try to work it out.
I know sometimes things cannot be worked out. Sometimes people are hurt beyond repair, and at that point, it is sometimes best for everyone to walk away. I just believe that people often get divorced for stupid things that can be prevented. Just take the time to think, talk, laugh, and cry. It helps, and I hope that this little blog has maybe helped someone. Take care until the next one.
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